Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability.
Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse-kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back.
The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming.
They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
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There are no weapons of mass destruction.
Just Chuck Norris.
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Wife to husband: ‘One more word and I’m going straight back to mother!’
Husband: ‘Taxi!!’
A man and his wife shower together.
The husband puts his hand on her breast and says, "These are nice, but if they were a bit firmer you could walk around without a bra for me."
Then the husband pats her butt and says, "This is nice, but if it was a bit firmer, you could walk around without panties for me."
The wife turns around to her husband, grabs his groin and says, "This is nice, but if it was a little bigger, I wouldn't need your brother."
Q: How many Republicans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Just one, but millions volunteered to get rid of anything dark
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The fingers of my girlfriend were in my pants;
I asked her "Is it thick?"
She said "yes dear."
Again I asked: "Is it warm?"
She replied: "yes honey."
Then I asked: "Is it soft?"
She said, "yes of course."
"It is my shit!" I told her.
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Joke has 53.73 % from 170 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, disgusting, relationship, sex
Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary!
The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads: "Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever"
"Yeah?" she replies.
"When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads: "Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last"
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I'm not racist, some of my best slaves are black.
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There were four people on a plane.
One of them, the Pilot.
The other was the president of the United States –Obama, The oldest man in the world, and a little boy.
The plane was about to crash and the only option for survival was to jump!
But there were only three parachutes.
The Pilot took a parachute and said, "I'm the pilot, so I should get a parachute."
And he jumped off.
Then Obama grabs a and jumps saying, "Since I'm the president, I get one too!"
And he jumps.
The little boy then grabs a parachute and hands it to the old man.
The man declines, saying, "No, boy, take it. I'm too old anyway."
The boy answers, "What? No! Obama took my back-pack!"
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Chuck Norris can pop scissors with a balloon.
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