Man, to friend, ‘A thief has stolen my wife’s credit card. Last month he ran up a bill of over a thousand pounds.’ ‘That’s terrible,’ says the friend. ‘You should report this thief to the police.’ ‘I would,’ says the man. ‘But at the moment he’s spending less than my wife does.’
What is height of Laziness? Adopting a child.
Chuck Norris' personal airplane is called Air Force Chuck.
Yo' Mama is so ugly, when I took her to the zoo, the security guard thanked me for bringing her back.
Why is the Apple still reporting record profits from iPhone sales? Because iPhone users are just as oblivious to the looming recession as they are to the people around them.
A lion was getting rather old and slow and having difficulty catching its prey. It decided it needed a disguise so that other animals did not know it was a lion and would not run away. So it goes into a fancy dress shop and buys a gorilla suit. It then heads for a watering hole to see if it can catch something with its new disguise. On the way it comes across two eagles sitting on a rock. One eagle says to it "Hi Mr. Lion!" The other said, "Where did you get the gorilla suit?" The lion, rather frustrated, asks, "How did you know I was a lion?" The eagles then started to sing, "You can't hide your lion eyes".
Chuck Norris wins every political campaign, but politely declines the jobs.
Chuck Norris doesn't vote. He elects!
Justin Timberlake didn't bring sexy back Chuck Norris did.
Happy Father's Day to someome who's been completely replaced in his marriage by Fifty Shades of Grey.