Best jokes ever

I pray for: Wisdom, To understand a man. Love, To forgive him and; Patience, For his moods. Because if I pray for Strength I'll just beat him to death.
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More jokes about: women
One reason the Services have trouble operating jointly is that they don’t speak the same language. For example, if you told Navy personnel to “secure a building,” they would turn off the lights and lock the doors. Army personnel would occupy the building so no one could enter. Marines would assault the building, capture it, and defend it with suppressive fire and close combat. The Air Force, on the other hand, would take out a three-year lease with an option to buy.
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More jokes about: military, navy, air force, death, money
Man to woman: ‘Tell me, after having sex do you ever smoke?’ Woman: ‘I’ve never looked.’
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More jokes about: sex
Q: Why do German shower heads have 11 holes? A: Jews have 10 fingers.
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More jokes about: black humor, racist, Hitler
What do u call a Mexican getting baptized? Bean dip.
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More jokes about: racist, mexican
Q: What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a dog have in common? A: Wet noses.
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More jokes about: dirty, dog, doctor
There were three guys at a bar. One was a college student, one was a buisness man and the other was a biker. The student tells the two other men that it was his aniversary and he got his wife a pearl necklace and a trip to the Bahamas "Shit if she doesnt like the necklace she'll love the trip" he said. So the buisness man said "That's nice, for my last aniversary I got my wife a Mercades and a new mansion, if she didn't like the mercades she has to like the new mansion. " As the biker finished his drink he said "For my last aniversary I got my wife a t-shirt and a vibrator. If she didn't like the t-shirt she can go fuck herself."
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More jokes about: school, bar, business, college, student
The computer programmer to his son: "Here, I brought you a new basketball." Son: "Thank you, daddy, but where is the user's guide?"
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More jokes about: IT, computer, programmer, sport
The teacher asked little Johnny if he knew his numbers yet. "Yes, teacher," he said, "my dad taught me." "Good, Johnny. Tell me what comes after two," the teacher said. "Three," replied little Johnny. "Very good. What comes after five, Johnny?" asked the teacher. "Six," answered little Johnny. "Excellent. Your dad did a very good job. Now, what comes after ten?" the teacher asked. "A Jack!" replied little Johnny.
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More jokes about: little Johnny
What did the 0 say to the 8? Nice belt!
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More jokes about: life, math