An Aggie and a Longhorn had just bought a ranch together, so they were driving the fence line to check everything out when they came upon a goat with his head stuck in a fence. So the Longhorn gets out of the truck, looks around, and then starts screwing the goat. He gets finished, takes a step back, ands asks the Aggie, "Hey, you want a piece of this?" The Aggie says, ´"Yeah, but do I have to stick my head in the fence?"
What is the fiercest flower in the garden? The tiger lily.
Herm is 85 years old and retired. He gets a checkup with his physician. A week or so afteward the doc sees Herm strolling the boardwalk with his arm around a beautiful, comely young female. The doctor stops him and asks, “Herm, you must be feeling terrific, yes?” Herman says, “Just following orders, Doc. You told me to get a hot mama and be cheerful." The physician exclaims, “Herm, that's not what I told you! I said, ‘Your heart's got a murmur. Be careful.’”
Jason Bourne is Chuck Norris' daughter...
Why did the blonde go to KFC? She heard she could get a pair of breasts for $1.99.
Chuck Norris can block Mark Zuckerberg's Facebook account.
Q: What’s the difference between Personal Injury lawyers and Congress? A: No fee–If No Recovery!
What do you get if you cross a longhorn with a knight? Sir Loin.
If a four-legged animal is a quadruped and a two-legged animal is a biped. What's a tiger? A stri-ped.
What happens when a cow stops shaving? It grows a Moostache.