Happy Father's Day to the top three most likely candidates.
Life is like a definite integral.
Integral from birthday to death ( LOVE ) dx = LIFE
Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good-looking?
They already have boyfriends.
Vote:
A husband is watching footie when his wife interrupts, "Honey, the hallway light has been flickering for weeks. Can you fix it?"
He angrily looks at her and says, "Fix the light? Now? Does it look like I have a G.E Logo printed on my forehead? I don’t think so!"
"Well, what about the fridge door. It doesn’t close right."
"Fix the Fridge Door? Does it look like I have Westinghouse written on my forehead? I don’t think so!"
"Ok", she says, "then you could at least fix the front door steps. They’re about to break."
"I ain’t no damn Carpenter and I don’t wanna fix any steps," he says. "Does it look like I’ve got ACE hardware written on my forehead? I don’t think so. I’ve had enough. I’m off to the bar!"
After a couple of hours at the local, he feels guilty and decides to go home and make up with his wife.
As he walks up to the house he notice the steps are fixed.
As he goes into the house he sess the hall light is working, and as he goes to get a beer, he notices the fridge door is fixed.
"Darling, how’d you get all this fixed?"
She replies: "Well, after you left I was sitting outside crying when a nice young man asked what was wrong. I told him, he offered to do all the repairs and all I had to do was to either bake a cake or go to bed with him."
He said, "So, what kind of cake did you bake him?"
She replied, "Helo...Do you see Betty Crocker written on my forehead?"
Q: What do you get when you take a Kitty Kat to the tailor?
A: Bad Blood.
No time for gym?
Please tell me how you watch 3 hours of TV every night.
Q: What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician?
A: He didn't count with this...
Q: How was break dancing invented?
A: Little black kids stealing hub caps off of moving cars.
Q: What is the point of Jewish football?
A: To get the quarter back
Vote:
A white man walks into a bar and says to a bartender "Hey nigger. Gimme a beer".
The bartender says "Don't say that to me. What happened if I said something like that to you?".
"The white man says "I don't know lets find out".
They switch places.
The black comes in and said "Hey honkey, gimme a f*ckin' beer".
The white man says "Sorry. We don't serve niggers"