Best jokes ever

Two women are digging in the garden. One pulls out a foot-long carrot. She says, "This one reminds me of my husband." The second woman says, "Your husband's is that long?" "No that dirty."
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More jokes about: women
An Aggie and a Longhorn had just bought a ranch together, so they were driving the fence line to check everything out when they came upon a goat with his head stuck in a fence. So the Longhorn gets out of the truck, looks around, and then starts screwing the goat. He gets finished, takes a step back, ands asks the Aggie, "Hey, you want a piece of this?" The Aggie says, ´"Yeah, but do I have to stick my head in the fence?"
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What is the fiercest flower in the garden? The tiger lily.
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Herm is 85 years old and retired. He gets a checkup with his physician. A week or so afteward the doc sees Herm strolling the boardwalk with his arm around a beautiful, comely young female. The doctor stops him and asks, “Herm, you must be feeling terrific, yes?” Herman says, “Just following orders, Doc. You told me to get a hot mama and be cheerful." The physician exclaims, “Herm, that's not what I told you! I said, ‘Your heart's got a murmur. Be careful.’”
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More jokes about: old people
Jason Bourne is Chuck Norris' daughter...
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More jokes about: Chuck Norris, celebrity
Why did the blonde go to KFC? She heard she could get a pair of breasts for $1.99.
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Q: What’s the difference between Personal Injury lawyers and Congress? A: No fee–If No Recovery!
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What happens when a cow stops shaving? It grows a Moostache.
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First Caribou: Which bug does amazing motor cycle stunts? Second Caribou: Evel Boll Weevil.
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Chuck Norris lights campfires with fire ants.
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More jokes about: Chuck Norris