Yo mamma so stupid she puts a piece of paper on the TV and says, "I'm watching paper-view."
Yo mama so old her social security number is 3!
People believe in God. God believe in Chuck Norris.
Three little boys were sitting around talking about their fathers. The first boy said, "My dad can blow smoke rings." The second boy said, "My dad can blow smoke rings out of his nose." The third boy said, "Well, my dad can blow smoke rings out of his butt." The first and second boys where amazed. The second boy said, "Have you seen him do it?" "No," said the third boy, "but I've seen the tobacco stains on his underwear."
Chuck Norris used to be a soccer referee. He lost the job after giving penalties to the players: Death Penalty.
What did the mother vampire say to her daughter when she picked up a tampon? "Honey, no in-between meal snacks!"
YO momma is so old, I slit her throat and dust came out!
Q: What do you call a buncha Blondes in a freezer? A: Frosted Flakes.
A young guy walks into a bar. An old drunk sits with a shoe box on the stool next to him. The guy asks, "What's in the box?" The older guy says matter-of-factly, "A South American Blow Job Toad." The young guy looks around. "Can I try it?" The older guy nods. The young guy goes to the men's room and returns 20 minutes later. "That was amazing," he says, "You've got to sell it to me." The old drunk concedes to sell the toad for a hefty sum. The happy young man struts home and meets his wife at the door. "Where the hell have you been? What's in the box?" she demands. "South American Blow Job Toad." "So?" asks the wife. "So, teach it to cook and get the f**k out."
Why does the bar association prohibit lawyers and clients from having sex? To prevent clients from being billed twice for the same service.