As a member of the organization that installs computer systems aboard Navy ships, I am mindful of how important the off-ship e-mail capabilities are to sailor morale, especially when some vessels are deployed for up to six months. One day while shopping at the base commissary, I noticed another crucial aspect of my job. I was behind a frazzled mother with two active children, and as I watched, she stalked over to where her young son had perched himself on the rail of the freezer case. "If you don't get off there right now," she commanded, "I'm going to e-mail your father!"
The angry wife met her husband at the door. There was alcohol on his breath and lipstick on his collar. "I assume," she snarled, "that there is a very good reason for you to come waltzing in here at six o'clock in the morning?" "There is," he replied. "Breakfast."
Q: What do Miss Muffet and Saddam Hussein have in common ? A: They both have Kurds in their Whey.
Marriage is a workshop, where man works and woman shops.
A man and woman were celebrating their 50 year anniversary. That night, the woman comes out of the bathroom completely naked and looks at her husband who is already in bed. She says, "Honey, 50 years ago tonight, when I came out of the bathroom with no clothes on, what were you thinking?" He said, "I was thinking that I wanted to suck your titties dry and fuck you until you couldn’t think straight." She smiled at him and said, "So what are you thinking now?" He said, "I think I did a pretty good job!"
Wife comes out of a beauty salon and asks husband: "So, how do I look?" "Well, at least you tried..."
Q: What is the best Iraqi job ? A: Foreign Ambassador.
What is the difference between a Mexican and a book? A book has papers.
How can you tell if a blonde is having a bad day? Her tampon is behind her ear and she can’t find her pencil.
What does a gay man and an ambulance have in common? They both get loaded from the rear and go whoo-whoo!