How do you hire a horse? Put a brick under each hoof!
Yo mama is so fat that she has to buy three airline tickets for her flight.
30 degrees... It was so cold out today that even the lawyers had their hands in their own pockets.
A blonde walked up to a man and said, "Give me your wallet." The man said, "Okay, but give me the gun." The blonde gave him the gun and the man gave his wallet. The man used the gun to steal his wallet back. The blonde said, "You're an idiot...there's no bullets in the gun." The man replied, "You're the idiot...here's no money in the wallet."
What is a cursor? Someone having computer problems.
Chuck Norris eats blackholes as light snacks.
Question: Why does Tigger smell? Answer: You'd smell too if you played with Pooh all day!
Q: Why can't a blonde count to 70? A: Because 69's a mouthful.
America doesn't need a military... We've got Chuck Norris
A policeman sees a car weaving all over the road and hits his flashing lights. He walks up to the driver's window and sees a good looking woman behind the wheel. There is a strong smell liquor on her breath. He says, "I'm going to give you a breathalyzer test to determine if you are under the influence of alcohol." She blows up the balloon and he walks it back to his patrol unit. After a couple of minutes, he returns to her car and says, "It looks like you've had a couple of stiff ones." She replies, "You mean it shows that, too?"