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Your mamma is so fat when she goes swimming in the ocean she gets harpooned.
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Q: What’s the difference between men and pigs? A: Pigs don’t turn into men when they drink.
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The only reason Osama Bin Laden is dead is because they finally let Chuck Norris into Pakistan...
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Q: What does a cow make when the sun comes out? A: A shadow.
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‘Money can’t buy you happiness, but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.’ Spike Milligan
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A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch. "I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. "What's your secret for a long happy life?" "I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said. "I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise." "That's amazing," the woman said. "How old are you?' "Twenty-six," he said.
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What did the cannibal say when he was full? I couldn't eat another mortal.
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Wilfred had just learned his abc's and was very scared of doing them in front of the class. The teacher, though, told him that the best way to conquer his fears would be to just go ahead and do it. So, trembling, he stood in front of the class and began. "ABCDEFGHIJLKMNOQRSTUVWXYZ." "Very good, Wilfred. But you forgot the P. Where's the P? "It's running down my leg."
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Why was the cannibal fined by the judge? He was caught poaching.
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Which ghost sailed the seven seas looking for rubbish and blubber? The ghost of BinBag the Whaler.
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