A college math professor and his wife are both 60 years old.
One evening the wife comes home and finds a note from her husband.
It says: "My dear, now that you are 60 years old, there are some things you no longer do for me. I am at the Holiday Inn with my 20-year-old student. Don't bother waiting up for me."
He returns home late that night to find a note from his wife: "You, my dear, are also 60 years old and there are also things I need that you're not giving me. So, I am at the Motel 6 with one of your 20-year-old students. Being a math professor, I'm sure you know that 20 goes into 60 way more than 60 goes into 20. So, don't YOU wait up for ME."
Ghosts actually have their own kind of tv.
The show that scares them the most is called "Chuck Norris Caught On Tape".
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Chuck Norris can give you a wet willie with a dry finger.
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A woman walks into a supermarket and buys:
1 bar of soap
1 toothbrush
1 tube of toothpaste
1 loaf of bread
1 pint of milk
1 single serving of cereal
1 single serving frozen dinner
1 can of Soup For One
1 16oz can of Miller Lite
The guy at the checkout looks at her and says, "Single, are you?"
The woman smiles sweetly and replies, "How did you guess?"
He replies, “Because you’re ugly.”
Chuck Norris doesn't push someone out of the way of a car, he pushes the car out of the way of the person.
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For every victim of a Chuck Norris round house kick, there is a star.
As you can see, there are a lot.
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Chuck Norris reads with his eyes closed.
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Chuck Norris never dies.
And of course, he will also never fade away.
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Chuck Norris is so hard, he uses diamonds as stress balls.
Vote:
Yo mama so fat if she falls it's defcon zero.