Chuck Norris is in every action film ever made but sometimes he only shows up as EXPLOSIONS.
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Chuck Norris won a soccer game. He was the referee.
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Ozzy Osbourne once accidentally bit the head off a live bat - Chuck Norris once deliberately bit the head off a live pterodactyl.
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Silence is golden.
Unless you have an infant.
Then its probably blue.
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I would tell you a joke about my penis but it's too long.
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Two chess players were in a hotel lobby, bragging to each other about their recent victories.
The manager comes over,
"Could you go to your rooms now, please?"
"Why?!"
"I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
Q: How do you fit 100 Jews in a car?
A: Three in the back, two in the front and the rest in the ashtray.
Yo mama farts so much there is a reason why Jupiter is made out of gas.
When Google has a question Chuck Norris always knows it.
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A helium molecule walks in afterwards. The bellhop asks if he needs any help.
Helium doesn't react.