A man phones home from the office and tells his wife, "Something has just come up. I need to go fishing with the boss for the weekend. We leave right away, so can you pack my clothes, my fishing equipment, and my blue silk pajamas? I'll be home in an hour to pick them up." He hurries home, grabs everything and rushes off. Sunday night, he returns. His wife asks, "Did you have a good trip?" "Oh yes, great! I think I really impressed the boss. But you forgot to pack my blue silk pajamas." "Oh, no I didn't. I put them in your tackle box."
A man and his wife shower together. The husband puts his hand on her breast and says, "These are nice, but if they were a bit firmer you could walk around without a bra for me." Then the husband pats her butt and says, "This is nice, but if it was a bit firmer, you could walk around without panties for me." The wife turns around to her husband, grabs his groin and says, "This is nice, but if it was a little bigger, I wouldn't need your brother."
Q. What's the difference between a prostitute, a nymphomaniac, and a blonde? A. The prostitute says, "Aren't you done yet?" The nympho says, "Are you done already?" The blonde says, "Beige...I think I'll paint the ceiling beige."
Why do men name their penises? Because they want to be on a first-name basis with the one who makes all their decisions.
Q. What do you call a sensitive, intelligent man? A. An oxymoron.
Q: What do you get if you mix a rabbit and a snake? A: A jump rope!
Q: What do you get when you cross a penis and a potato? A: A dic-tater.
Chuck Norris can see ultra-violet light.
How many students does it take to change a light bulb? None, Light bulb changing isn't in the course notes.
Q: Hear about the new sushi bar that caters exclusively to lawyers? A: It's called Sosumi.