A man walks into a bar and says "Ow!"
A second man walks into the same bar.
You would think after the first one hit it, the second one would have seen it coming.
Three guys talk in a bar.
Two discuss how they are king in their castles and how much their wives respect them.
The third guy remains quiet.
Finally, one guy turns to the quiet guy and asks, "What about you? do you rule your roost?"
The quiet guy says, "Well, just the other night, my wife came to me on her hands and knees."
"What happened then?" they ask.
"She said, 'Get out from under the bed and fight like a man.'"
Chuck Norris once wrestled an Alligator.
He walked away with a new set of luggage.
Vote:
Yo momma’s so ugly, the Government moved Halloween to her birthday.
Deciding to take up jogging, the middle-aged man was astounded by the wide selection of jogging shoes available at the local sports shoe store.
While trying on a basic pair of jogging shoe, he noticed a minor feature and asked the clerk about it.
“What’s this little pocket thing here on the side for?”
“Oh, that’s to carry spare change so you can call your wife to come pick you up when you’ve jogged too far.”
A nun with big boobs boarded a bus and sat near a dude.
The dude kept looking at the nun's boobs.
The nun realized this.
She held her rosary and asked, "Are you looking at Jesus on the cross?"
The man said "No, I'm looking at the 2 thieves beside him."
Q: How do you make a dead baby float?
A: One scoop of ice cream and Two scoops of dead baby.
Vote:
Q: What did the snowman order at McDonalds ?
A: Icerbergers with chilly sauce!
Q: Why did the bodybuilder cross the road?
A: He didn't. There's no walking on leg day.
Q: What goes "oom... oom"?
A: A cow walking backward!
Vote: