What do you call a show full of lions?
The mane event.
If, by some incredible space-time parodox, Chuck Norris would ever fight himself, he'd win.
Period.
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When Chuck Norris visits Europe on vacation, France surrenders.
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An old man goes into the Social Security Office and fills out an application.
Too old to have a birth certificate, he is asked to prove he is old enough.
He opens his shirt and shows them the gray hair on his chest and they accept that as proof.
He goes home to his wife, shows her the check, and explains to her what has happened.
She replies, “Well get back down there, pull down your pants, and see if you can get disability!”
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Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding.
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Q: Why are men like diapers?
A: They are always on your ass and full of sh*t, and thankfully, they're disposable.
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The climate requires Chuck's permission to change.
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Q: What is worse than waking up the morning after an orgy with pubic hair in your teeth?
A: Waking up with a lump in your throat and a string hanging out of your mouth.
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While vacationing in a remote area of Alaska, I met an old mountain man, wise in the ways one need be to live in an extreme wilderness area like he did.
I asked him about the weater, did it rain a lot? He said;
"See those mountains over there" and he pointed to them."
I replied, "Yes."
"Well," he replied, ".. if you can't see those mountains, that means it's raining. If you can see them, that means it's going to rain."
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There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue.
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