An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have: the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.
Two sperm are in the body looking for the egg when one of them starts to wonder why it is taking so long. He asks the other sperm, "aren't we near the uterus yet?" "No," replied the other sperm, "we haven't even gotten to the esophagus."
Q. How can you tell a head nurse? A. She's the one with the dirty knees!
If you're under the age of 25 and you think your life sucks then you better brace yourself.... Life has only given you the TIP of its Dildo.
There's a faggot between Y and I on your keyboard... look!
‘I believe that sex between two people is a beautiful experience. Between five it’s fantastic!’ Woody Allen
An old woman buys herself some bright red crotchless panties and goes home to surprise her husband. When her husband comes home, she calls him into the bedroom and points to her new panties. "Hey old timer," she says, "come and get some of this!" The old man says, "Hell no, woman. It done ate a hole in your drawers!"
Q: What's the difference between a freezer and a fag? A: A freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
Facebook is like a fridge, you keep checking it and nothing has changed.
Q: How do you get your wife to scream and groan when you're having sex? A: Let her catch you doing it.