Marriage is not a lottery – you get a chance in a lottery.
I wouldn’t say that inflation is making my life difficult, but I’m now starving on an income I used to dream about.
James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator.
However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.
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There was a fire at the local tax office but the fire brigade managed to put it out before any serious good was done.
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family.
She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."
A blond gave birth to two twins and continously crying.
A nurse asks her what's the problem.
She replies,"I don't know with whom I have the second baby..."
Chuck Norris does not wear a condom.
Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris can ski up a mountain.
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Chuck Norris once had to go to court...the judge got life in prison.
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Waiter, what is this stuff?
That's bean salad sir.
I know what it's been, but what is it now?