A squad car driver was covering a quiet beat out in the sticks when he was amazed to find a former lieutenant on the police force covering the beat. He stopped the car and asked, "Why, Irish Mike, this wouldn't be your new beat out here in the sticks, would it?" "That it is, "Irish Mike replied grimly, "ever since I arrested the judge on his way to the masquerade ball." "You mean you pinched his honor?" asked Pat. "How was I to know that his convict suit was only a costume?" demanded Mike. "Well," mused Pat, "there's a lesson in this somewhere." "That there is," replied Irish Mike...." 'Tis wise never to book a judge by his cover."
Yo' Mama is so fat, when she did a cartwheel, she kicked an angel in the nuts.
Drinking a non-alcoholic beer is like muffing your sister, it tastes the same but something's not right about it.
A local policeman had just finished his shift one cold November evening and was at home with his wife. "You just won't believe what happened this evening, in all my years on the force I've never seen anything like it." "Oh yes dear, what happened?" "I came across two guys down by the canal, one of them was drinking battery acid and the other was eating fireworks." "Drinking battery acid and eating fireworks! What did you do with them?" "Oh that was easy, I charged one and let the other off."
Yo' Mama is so dumb, she got fired from a blow job.
Q: Why do men take showers instead of baths? A: Pissing in the bath is disgusting.
What's the difference between a gay man and a refrigerator? When you take sausage out of the fridge it doesn't fart.
Yo' Mama is so ugly, she's going to be in trouble when the baboon wants its ass back.
Yo mama's so black she went to night school and got marked absent.
One day two boys were walking through the woods when they saw some rabbit turds. One of the boys said, "What is that?" "They're smart pills," said the other boy. "Eat them and they'll make you smarter." So he ate them and said, "These taste like crap." "See," said the other boy, "you're getting smarter already."