Simon doesn't say... Chuck Norris says.
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Chuck Norris won the World Horseshoe Pitching Contest while they were still attached to a Clydesdale.
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Chuck Norris cleans up crime... with a mop and bucket... full of people's blood.
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Chuck Norris can do the splits in mid air,rotate his hips 360" so fast it lifts him off the ground thus making the Chuck Copter!
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Chuck Norris's version of a "chocolate milkshake" is a raw porterhouse wrapped around ten Hershey bars, and doused in diesel fuel.
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Q: How many licks does it take Chuck Norris to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?
A: Zero. He simply stares at the candy and the outer coating is gone.
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The universe expands because the stars believe this way will be safer from Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris can travel back in time into the future.
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Q: How do you know when it's bedtime at Michael Jackson's house?
A: The big hand touches the little one.
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The ground hog only pokes his head out to check for Chuck Norris.
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