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A young lad is sitting at the table doing his homework. Dad, he says, "What is the difference between 'potentially' & 'realistically'"? Father scratches his chin, inhales sharply and says,"That's a tough one; it's probably easier to demonstrate. Go & ask your mother if she would sleep with the milkman for 1 million quid; then ask your sister the same question" ... 2 minutes later, the lad is back. "Dad, they both said for 1 million quid...? Definitely!" Well son, says the old man, "There is your answer; potentially, we are sitting on 2 million quid; realistically, we are living with a pair of slags..!
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More jokes about: marriage, age, work
DEPT OF STATISTICS: All grades are plotted along the normal bell curve. DEPT OF PSYCHOLOGY: Students are asked to blot ink in their exam books, close them and turn them in. The professor opens the books and assigns the first grade that comes to mind. DEPT OF HISTORY: All students get the same grade they got last year. DEPT OF RELIGION: Grade is determined by God. DEPT OF PHILOSOPHY: What is a grade? LAW SCHOOL: Students are asked to defend their position of why they should receive an A. DEPT OF MATHEMATICS: Grades are variable. DEPT OF LOGIC: If and only if the student is present for the final and the student has accumulated a passing grade then the student will receive an A else the student will not receive an A. DEPT OF COMPUTER SCIENCE: Random number generator determines grade. MUSIC DEPARTMENT: Each student must figure out his grade by listening to the instructor play the corresponding note (+ and - would be sharp and flat respectively). DEPT OF PHYSICAL EDUCATION: Everybody gets an A.
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More jokes about: school, history, math, religious
fi yuo cna raed tihs whit no porlbem, yuo aer smrat. Shaer ti whit yuor fienrds.
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More jokes about: health
Betty and Tim die in a car accident on the eve of their wedding. In Heaven, they ask St. Peter if they can still be married. "Well, let me find out if this is possible. Stay here and I will be right back." Six months pass and Peter returns. "Yes, we can do this for you." The couple asks, "Well, as we have spent so much time together waiting for your answer, we need to know that if things don't work out, is there a possibility that we can be divorced?" To which St. Peter answers, "It took me six months to find a priest up here how long do you think it will take me to find a lawyer?"
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More jokes about: marriage, death, car, wedding, heaven
I know when god becomes angry. When teenage girls get pregnant and their parents exclaim, "Oh god! What have you done?!"
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More jokes about: life, god, teen
What is the shortest mathematicians joke? Let epsilon be smaller than zero.
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If the sea was weed and i was a duck i'd swim my way down and smoke my way up, but the sea ain't weed and i'm not a duck so pass me the bong and shut the fuck up
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More jokes about: dirty, duck, drug, weed
There are four people from different counties on the Empire State Building. One is Japanese, one is French, one is Mexican, and one is American. They all want to throw something off the building that they have a lot of in their country. The Japanese guy goes first. He throws off sushi. There is a lot of sushi in my country. Next is the French guy. He throws off a condom. There is too much love in my country. Next is the Mexican. He throws off a taco. There is too much taco in my country. Next goes the American. He looks around him and picks the Mexican up and throws him of the building and says: There are too much Mexicans in my country.
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More jokes about: black humor, racist
What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50? Your Honour.
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Yo' Mama is so stupid, when her batteries die, she buries them.
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More jokes about: Yo mama, stupid, insulting