For their 10th anniversary, a wife surprises her husband by wearing the lingerie she wore on their wedding night.
She asks her husband what his exact thoughts were 10 years ago when he first saw her in the lingerie.
He says, "I wanted to suck your tits dry and f**k your brains out."
"Well, what do you think today?"
He says, "I think I did a good job."
Chuck Norris can put out fire with gasoline.
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Q: What's worse than ants in your pants?
A: Uncle.
Teacher: "Alex, stop showing off. Do you think you are the teacher of this class?"
Alex: "No, Miss."
Teacher: "Then stop acting like a fool!"
What do you call the useless piece of skin on a penis? The man.
A woman and her husband interrupted their vacation to go to the dentist.
"I want a tooth pulled, and I don’t want no vacaine because I’m in a big hurry," the woman said.
"Just extract the tooth as quickly as possible, and we’ll be on our way."
The dentist was quite impressed.
"You’re certainly a courageous woman," he said.
"Which tooth is it?" The woman turned to her husband and said, "Show him your tooth, dear."
Yo Momma's a brick, she is flat on both sides and gets laid by Mexicans.
Chuck Norris can drink from an empty cup.
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Chuck Norris once made a crippled man run away.
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Chuck Norris can eat the inside of an orange without peeling it.
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