Why is sex like a game of bridge? You don’t need a partner if you’ve got a good hand.
A woman goes to England to attend a 2-week, company training session. Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip. The wife answers: "Thank you honey, what would you like me to bring for you?" The husband laughs and says: "An English girl!" The woman kept quiet and left. Two weeks later he picks her up in the airport and asks: "So, honey, how was the trip?" "Very good, thank you," replies the wife. "And, what happened to my present?" "Which present?" "I asked for, the English girl?" "Oh, that! Well, I did what I could, now we have to wait a few months to see if its a girl!"
Q: What's the slowest thing on 80 wheels? A: A Mexican funeral with only two sets of jumper cables.
What do nostalgic gynaecologists do? Look up old friends.
Why are little girls better than little boys? Because when you're finished using them as little girls, you can turn them over and use them as little boys.
Q: What do you call the most powerful white man on the planet? A: The President of the Unit...sh*t.
What's the difference between a condom and a coffin? You come in one and you go in the other!
What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? "We better get some support before someone thinks we're nuts!"
Chuck Norris and Hitler were sitting in a cafe. Chuck said, "I don't like the juice." Hitler heard him wrong.
A wife catches her husband masturbating under the shower and approaches him. The husband: Oh dear, it was so dirty that I had to rub it so hard... it almost hurts!