Three women sit in a beauty parlor talking about their husbands. The first woman says, "Last night my husband said he was going to his office, but when I called they said he wasn't there!" "I know!" the next woman says, "Last night my husband said he was going to his brother's house, but when I called he wasn't there." The third woman says, "I always know where my husband is." "Impossible!" both women exclaim, "He has you completely fooled!" "Oh no," says the woman. "I'm a widow."
A wife sending a short message to her husband: It was just said on the news that they found a hideous corpse with a hollow head, a cigar among ugly rotten teeth and a bottle of liquor in his hand. I'm worried about you!. Please, give me a ring...
Why is sex like a game of bridge? You don’t need a partner if you’ve got a good hand.
A woman goes to England to attend a 2-week, company training session. Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip. The wife answers: "Thank you honey, what would you like me to bring for you?" The husband laughs and says: "An English girl!" The woman kept quiet and left. Two weeks later he picks her up in the airport and asks: "So, honey, how was the trip?" "Very good, thank you," replies the wife. "And, what happened to my present?" "Which present?" "I asked for, the English girl?" "Oh, that! Well, I did what I could, now we have to wait a few months to see if its a girl!"
What do you call a nigger with a regular job, who doesn’t drive a lowrider, sleeps in the same bed every night, doesn’t collect welfare, and doesn’t rape White women? An inmate.
Why are little girls better than little boys? Because when you're finished using them as little girls, you can turn them over and use them as little boys.
What's the difference between a condom and a coffin? You come in one and you go in the other!
Why are black people good at basketball? Because they run, shoot and steal.
‘Sex for an old guy is a bit like shooting pool with a rope.’ George Burns