Only Chuck Norris knows a bigger number than infinity, and it's not infinite plus one.
Why do women pay more attention to their appearance than improving their minds? Because most men are stupid, but few are blind.
Q: What u call 10 black people in the back of a truck? A: A good days hunting.
What's the difference betwee Elton John and Princess Diana ? One's composing, the other is decomposing.
Jesus enters a command, and the screen comes to life in a vivid display, an angelic chorus pouring from the speakers. Satan is astonished, ‘How did he manage that?’ God replies, ‘You might have lost everything, but Jesus saves.’
Q: What would Princess Diana be doing if she were alive today? A: Clawing at the lid of her coffin.
Whats the difference between a jew camp and a summer camp? The kids come back.
The boss snubs his employee because he took a flashlight with him to a date: "What kind of crap happens nowadays? When I was in your age, I wasn’t carrying any flashlight with me on a date. I was always meeting my girlfriends in the dark." "And what did that got you... Take a look at what you’ve married in to!"
Fresh out of business school, the young man answered a want ad for an accountant. Now he was being interviewed by a very nervous man who ran a small business that he had started himself. "I need someone with an accounting degree," the man said. "But mainly, I'm looking for someone to do my worrying for me." "Excuse me?" the accountant said. "I worry about a lot of things," the man said. "But I don't want to have to worry about money. Your job will be to take all the money worries off my back." "I see," the accountant said. "And how much does the job pay?" "I'll start you at eighty thousand." "Eighty thousand dollars!" the accountant exclaimed. "How can such a small business afford a sum like that?" "That," the owner said, "is your first worry."
Two blondes walk into a building... you'd think at least one of them would have seen it.