Best jokes ever

A young woman walks into a bank to withdraw some money. ‘Can you identify yourself?’ asked the bank clerk. The young woman opens her handbag, takes out a mirror, looks into it and says, ‘Yes, it’s me all right.’
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What do you get if you cross a longhorn with a knight? Sir Loin.
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If a four-legged animal is a quadruped and a two-legged animal is a biped. What's a tiger? A stri-ped.
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Q: Know how to solve the Serbian/Bosnian problem in less than 48 hours? A: Put Janet Reno in charge.
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More jokes about: racist, time
What did the mooron say when he saw the milk cartons in the grass? "Hey! Look at the cow's nest!"
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More jokes about: animal
One night, a lady with a black eye stumbled into the police station. She told the desk sergeant that she had heard a noise in her back yard and gone to investigate. The next thing she knew, she was hit in the face and knocked out cold. An officer was sent to her house to investigate, and he returned a few minutes later, also with a black eye. ‘Did you get hit by the same attacker?’ his captain asked. ‘No, sir,’ he replied. ‘I stepped on the same rake.’
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What is the golden rule for cows? Do unto udders as you would have udders do to you.
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When Chuck Norris was 3 years old , he was bored And decided to carve a sculpture with only his Baby toe nail , this sculpture is now called.... Mount Rushmore.
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More jokes about: Chuck Norris, age, baby
There's a man sitting at a bar just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half an hour. Then, a big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand seeing a man crying." "No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I'm late to my office. My boss, in an outrage, fires me. When I leave the building to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police say they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away. I go home and when I get there, I find my wife sleeping with the gardener. I leave home and come to this bar. And when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."
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More jokes about: alcohol
What do you get if you cross a skunk and a dinosaur? A stinkasaurus.
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More jokes about: animal