Teacher: Who succeeded the first President of the USA? Class: The second one!
"Football is a game when 22 big, strong players run around like crazy for two hours while 50,000 people who really need the exercise sit in the stands and watch them."
How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman? Zero.
Q:How do you know when you are at a gay picnic? A:When all the hot dogs taste like shit!
What is 6 inches long, hard, goes into your mouth back and fourth, and has white stuff at the end. A toothbrush with toothpaste
Question: How is a woman like a laxative? Answer: They both irritate the shit out of you.
Chuck Norris drives in reverse and still drives better than you...
Why are contipated folks unkind and rude? Cause they don't give a crap!
A blonde decides to learn and try horse back riding unassisted without prior experience or lessons. She mounts the horse with great effort, and the tall, shiny horse springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. Out of shear terror, she grabs for the horse's mane but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly oblivious to its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup. She is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground again and again. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousn ess or even death when Frank, the Wal-Mart manager runs out to shut the horse off.
What do the latest Iphone 6 applications do? Whiten teeth and perform laser eye surgery!