Why is it good that there are female astronauts? When the crew gets lost in space, the woman will ask for directions.
Q: How do you start a black parade? A: Roll a 40 down the street.
What did the mama bear say to her cub? "Don't go out in your bear feet!"
For all those men who say, “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free”. Here’s an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage, why? Because women realize it’s not worth buying an entire Pig, just to get a little sausage…
Q: Why cant stevie wonder read? A: Cuz hes black
Q. Why don't little girls fart? A. Because they don't get assholes until they're married.
- "Didn't you read Lord of the Rings in high school"? - "No, I had sex in high school."
Q: Why can't gays drive faster than 68mph? A: Because at 69 they blow a rod.
An English professor complained to the pet shop proprietor, “The parrot I purchased uses improper language.” “I’m surprised,” said the owner. “I’ve never taught that bird to swear.” “Oh, it isn’t that,” explained the professor. “But yesterday I heard him split an infinitive.”
How do you make a baby drink? Stick it in the blender.