Growing up, Samuel L. Jackson didn't have a mother and a father. He had a mother and a motherf*cker.
Chuck Norris cancelled his own funeral.
Yo Mommas SO POOR I SEE HER KICKING A CAN DOWN THE ROAD, I SAID "WHAT YAR DOING " SHE SAID "MOVING"!
Yo momma is so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas and its still printing.
Two guys are out hunting deer... The first guy says, "Did you see that?...pointing to the sky." "No," the second guy says. "Well, a bald eagle just flew overhead!" the first guy says. "Oh," says the second guy. A couple of minutes later, pointing to a far ridge, the first guy says, "Did you see that?" "See what?" the second guy asks. "Are you blind? There was a big, black bear walking on that hill, over there!" "Yah, Ok", says the second guy again with a bit of irritation in his voice. A few minutes later the first guy says: "Did you see that?" This time pointing behind them. By now, the second guy is getting very aggravated and says, "Yah, I SAW IT!" And the first guy says: "Then why did you step in it?"
A nigger was walking in the jungle when he saw a sexy woman that was fighting for her life with a giant snake. The Nigger quickly jumps and kills the snake. The woman says to him: You saved me! I am I magic fairy and I can grand you any wish. I would like you to make me white and put me between your legs. Then, the fairy made him into cotton wall tampon...
Three old guys are out walking. First one says, “Windy, isn’t it?” Second one says, “No, its Thursday!” Third one says, “So am I. Let’s go get a beer.”
How do you turn a fox into an elephant? Marry it.
"Hi Liz! How's the big love of yours, James?" "It's over!" "Over? Why, what happened?" "We got married..."
What do you call a stoner that just broke up with his girlfriend? Homeless.