Why is it good that there are female astronauts? When the crew gets lost in space, the woman will ask for directions.
Q: How do you start a black parade? A: Roll a 40 down the street.
What did the mama bear say to her cub? "Don't go out in your bear feet!"
For all those men who say, “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free”. Here’s an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage, why? Because women realize it’s not worth buying an entire Pig, just to get a little sausage…
The teacher had given the class an assignment. He stressed the importance of this particular assignment, and that no excuses would be accepted except illness or a death in the immediate family. A smart-ass student pipes up: "What about extreme sexual exhaustion, sir?" The class breaks up laughing, and when they settle down the teacher responds with: "Well, I guess you'll have to learn to write with your other hand."
Wife and husband have bought condoms with different flavours. Darling, I will turn off the light, put one on and you guess the flavour. As soon as he turns off the light, she takes it in the mouth and says: Gorgonzola! Wait, it is not on yet.
Q: Why cant stevie wonder read? A: Cuz hes black
Q. Why don't little girls fart? A. Because they don't get assholes until they're married.
- "Didn't you read Lord of the Rings in high school"? - "No, I had sex in high school."
A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken takes out a cigarette and begins to smoke. The egg, pissed off, takes one look at the chicken, rolls over and pulls the blanket over him and says, "I guess we answered that question!"