What do blondes put behind their ears to attract men? Their knees.
A guy goes into a bar, orders twelve shots and starts drinking them as fast as he can. The bartender says, "Dang, why are you drinking so fast?" The guy says, "You would be drinking fast if you had what I had." The bartender says, "What do you have?" The guy says, "75 cents."
A motorcycle cop pulls over a driver. ‘Have you been drinking, sir?’ says the cop. ‘Why?’ says the driver. ‘Is there a fat chick in my car?’
Chuck Norris wears white to a funeral, no one asks why.
Yo momma’s so fat, she fell off a boat and the captain yelled, ‘Land Ho!’
It’s people that give drinking a bad name.
People created the automobile to escape from Chuck Norris... Not to be outdone, Chuck Norris created the automobile accident.
Chuck Norris can do a downward uppercut.
I was on the subway, sitting on a newspaper, and a guy comes over and asks "Are you reading that?" I didn’t know what to say. So I said yes. I stood up, turned the page, and sat down again.
What is grosser than gross? When you're kissing Grandma and she slips you the tongue.