Chuck Norris doesn't moon walk, the moon Chuck-Norris Walks.
After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. It was more "humane".
Chuck Norris rejects your reality and substitutes it with his fist.
Chuck Norris does his grocery shopping at Home Depot.
William: May I have some money for the man crying outside ? Mum: What crying man ? William: The one that's crying, 'Ice cream! Ice Cream !'
Q: Did you hear about the couple that "96ed?" A: After they "69ed" they rolled over and sh*t in each other's hair.
Chuck Norris can hear your text messages.
If you want to know God’s opinion of money just look at the people He gave it to.
A Russian walks into a bar and orders a beer. "That will be one ruble," says the bartender. "One ruble!" the customer protests, "last week it was only fifty kopeks!" "Well," replies the bartender, "it's fifty kopeks for the beer and fifty kopecs for the perestroika." Reluctantly, the customer gives the bartender a ruble, and is surprised when the bartender gives him back fifty kopecs and says, "We are out of beer."
Two old guys from a senior center were sipping lemonade on the porch when one asks the other, “Ralph, I’m 92 years old and even my aches have pains. You must be close to my age. How are you feeling?” Ralph says, “Like a brand new baby.” “No kidding! Like a brand new baby?” “Yep. No teeth, no hair, and wet diapers.”