Best jokes ever

There was a vampire who walked into a vampire bar and asked the bartender for a glass of hot water. The bartender asked what for, because everyone else was drinking blood. The vampire pulled out a bloody tampon and said "TEA TIME!"
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Q: Did you hear about the couple that "96ed?" A: After they "69ed" they rolled over and sh*t in each other's hair.
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More jokes about: disgusting, couple, sex
Chuck Norris can hear your text messages.
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If you want to know God’s opinion of money just look at the people He gave it to.
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One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, FLOOR.
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More jokes about: alcohol
Two old guys from a senior center were sipping lemonade on the porch when one asks the other, “Ralph, I’m 92 years old and even my aches have pains. You must be close to my age. How are you feeling?” Ralph says, “Like a brand new baby.” “No kidding! Like a brand new baby?” “Yep. No teeth, no hair, and wet diapers.”
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More jokes about: old people
What leads most people into debt? Trying to catch up with people who are already there.
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More jokes about: money
Two blondes drive through the middle of Kansas, surrounded entirely by wheat fields. One blonde says, "Look over there!" They see another blonde in scuba gear acting like she's swimming through the wheat. The blonde driving says, "It's girls like that who give us blondes a bad name." The other blonde says, "Yeah! And if I knew how to swim, I'd go out there and tell her off."
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Your moms like a christmass tree all the guys put there balls on her.
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More jokes about: Yo mama, Christmas
Q: Why are fish so smart? A: Because they live in schools.
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More jokes about: animal