Your mama's teeth are so messed up....i thought her tongue was in jail!
Two friends talking:
"What's up?"
"My wife left me for my best friend.."
"I thought I was your best friend..."
"Now he is."
Chuck Norris once took a CPR class, this way he can kill you, revive you, and kill you again.
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You momma's teeth are so nasty the b*tch spits yoohoo.
I never thought that the Internet was very useful, but now I've changed my mind.
Let's hope your new one works better than the one you had before.
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Q: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
A: A teacher.
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Three guys are on a plane, ones black, ones white, and ones Mexican.
The pilot says: "there's to much weight you all need to throw something off the plane."
The black guy throws his Jordan's and says: "we have to many of these in our country"
The Mexican throws off his lawn mower and says: "we have to many of these in our country".
The white guys throws the Mexican and says: "we have to many of these in our country"
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Bubba was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them."
Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Bubba how about Tom Cruise?"
"Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it. "
So Bubba and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and sure enough, Tom Cruise shouts, "Bubba! Great to see you! You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch!"
Although impressed, Bubba's boss is still skeptical.
After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Bubba that he thinks Bubba's knowing Cruise was just lucky.
"No, no, just name anyone else," Bubba says.
"President Clinton," his boss quickly retorts.
"Yes," Bubba says, "I know him, let's fly out to Washington."
And off they go.
At the White House, Clinton spots Bubba on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Bubba, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up."
Well, the boss is very shaken by now, but still not totally convinced.
After they leave the White house grounds, he expresses his doubts to Bubba, who again implores him to name anyone else.
"The Pope," his boss replies.
"Sure!" says Bubba.
"My folks are from Poland, and I've known the Pope a long time."
So off they fly to Rome.
Bubba and his boss are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Bubba says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope." And he disappears into the crowd headed toward the Vatican.
Sure enough, half an hour later Bubba emerges with the Pope on the balcony.
But by the time Bubba returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.
Working his way to his boss' side, Bubba asks him, "What happened?"
His boss looks up and says, "I was doing fine until you and the Pope came out on the balcony and the man next to me said, "Who's that on the balcony with Bubba?"
My mate down the pub asked me last night "Why do you have so many sex noises saved to your phone?"
I said, "It's for sound effects during sex."
He asked, "Your wife a bit quiet in the sack?"
I replied, "No, I work in a morgue."
A fish is to water as Mexican is to lawn mower.