Chuck Norris once planted a box of Cheerios in his yard, the result was a donut tree.
Budgeting: When you work out that the money you owe is exactly the same as the money you spent.
Yo' Mama is so fat, she uses transport trucks as roller skates.
Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.
‘If you’re being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire. They’re trained for that.’
Yo' Mama is so flat, the last time she felt a breast was in a KFC bucket.
Yo' Mama is so fat, yo' daddy needs a Sherpa to help get him on top.
In honor of Chuck Norris, all McDonald's in Texas have an even larger size than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be "Norrisized".
Yo' Mama is like a bus: she's big, she stinks, and it's only a dollar to ride.
Yo' Mama is so ugly, when I walked past your fence, she came out barking.