A doctor and a lawyer were attending a cocktail party when the doctor was approached by a man who asked advice on how to handle his ulcer. The doctor mumbled some medical advice, then turned to the lawyer and asked, "How do you handle the situation when you are asked for advice during a social function?" "Just send an account for such advice" replied the lawyer. On the next morning the doctor arrived at his surgery and issued the ulcer-stricken man a $50 account. That afternoon he received a $100 account from the lawyer.
A woman applies for a job in a lemon grove. ‘Have you got any experience picking lemons?’ asks the foreman. ‘I certainly have,’ says the woman. ‘I’ve been married four times.’
When President Roosevelt dropped the atomic bomb on Hiroshima, he did so only because it was more human then sending Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris won the World Series of Poker using Pokemon cards.
Question: How do you call a woman who always knows where her husband is? Answer: A widow.
Q: What’s the difference between a Catholic priest and a zit? A: At least a zit waits until you’re a teenager before it cums on your face!
Q: What do you call an alligator in a vest? A: An Investigator
What's better than 10 dead babies in 1 bag? 1 dead baby in 10 bags.
Chuck Norris’ house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.
How do most men define marriage? A very expensive way to get your laundry done free.