A man goes into a bank and asks the cashier to check his balance, so the cashier pushes him over.
All I ask for is the opportunity to prove that money doesn’t buy happiness...All most people want is a chance to prove money can’t make them happy.
Q: What happens when a lawyer takes Viagra? A: He gets taller.
Two guys are talking about their boss's upcoming wedding. One bloke says, "It's ridiculous, he's rich, but he's 95 years old, and she's just 24! What kind of a wedding is that?" The other says, "Well, we have a name for it in my family." "What do you call it?" "We call it a football wedding." The first asks, "What's a football wedding?" The other says, "She's waiting for him to kick off!"
Q. What's the difference between men and government bonds? A. Bonds mature.
Yo momma’s so fat, her chairs have seat belts.
There was a tragic end to the water polo championships – all the horses drowned.
A sargeant bawled out a rookie. "Did you watch all of the exits like I told you?" "Yep," the rookie answered. "I think he must have left by one of the entrances!
A burglary was recently committed at West Ham's ground and the entire contents of the trophy room were stolen. The police are looking for a man with a claret & blue carpet.
Why did the frog go to the mall? Because he wanted to go hopping.