‘Why don’t oysters give to charity? Because they’re shellfish.’ Jay Leno
The officer reported to the watch commander about having no luck with the witness. "Did you browbeat him, yell at him, and ask him every question you could come up with?" asked the watch commander. "I certainly did." "And?" "And he said, 'Yes dear you're right,' and dozed off!"
Q: What do you call a Shih-Tzu mixed with a poodle? A: A Shih-Tzpoo.
Yo momma’s so fat, when she walked in front of the television I missed three commercials.
Yo momma’s so fat, when she went to the beach, she was the only one that got a tan.
Your momma's so fat the only time she sees "90210" is when she's on a scale.
What is the difference between a man and E.T.? E.T. phoned home.
A mink in the wardrobe often leads to a wolf at the door.
Q: What do cow pies and cowgirls have in common? A: The older they get the easier they are to pick up.
Why is Cinderella such a bad football player? Because she has a pumpkin for a coach and she ran away from the ball.