The wild and mean bear grabs the hedgehog and asks him: "Were you at the fox’s party as well?"
"Yes, I was. So what?"
"Were you sitting on the table?"
"Yeah, why?"
The bear, ready to leg press him, changes his mind and says to the hedgehog: "Next time, wherever you go, take an umbrella with you!"
"But why, my friend?" the hedgehog wonders.
"Cause all night long, I was taking thorns off my ass!"
The ladies say I'm like Usain Bolt in the bedroom...
I usually wear a yellow and green vest.
You don't have to wait until midnight to see my balls drop.
Chuck Norris's GPS still can't find him.
Vote:
The travelin' Texan picked up a sweet young thang in a bar and after several rounds, ordered the biggest steaks they had.
Later, they retired to his room, naturally the largest in the hotel.
As they undressed, he said, "I'm from Fort Worth, Texas, and we have the biggest of everything."
The girl only nodded and smiled.
As they began to make love, he exclaimed, "Golleeeee, lil' Lady! What part of Texas y'all from?"
Q: Why are pubic hairs curly?
A: So you don't poke your eye out.
Once a teacher asked one of her students to memorize the numbers from 1-10.
And that night when he was memorizing he saw his mother drinking 7up, so the next day the teacher asked the student to say the numbers that he memorized so he replied," 1-2-3-4-5-6-8-9-10".
The teacher was confused so she asked the student," Where is the 7" so he said," my mom drank it last night!"
A blonde calls a pizza place to have one ordered to her house.
They ask her if she wants the pizza cut into 6 or 12 pieces and she says,
"Cut it into 6, I could never eat 12 pieces."
They once made a "Chuck Norris" brand toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.
Vote:
Q: What is the difference between Michael Phelps and Adolf Hitler?
A: Michael Phelps can finish a race.