The best accountant jokes

Why are accountants always so calm, composed, and methodical? They have strong internal controls.
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A wife to her husband as they watch their young son playing: "He's such a sensitive child. Let's wait until he's older before we tell him you're an accountant."
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An accountant is walking along the beach (also, not the joke) and he finds an old lamp. He picks it up, rubs it and of course, a genie appears. The genie says "I am the most powerful genie that has ever lived. I can do great and wonderful things and I can grant you your dearest wish. But only one." Well, this accountant is a deeply caring individual. He pulls out a map of the Mediterranean area and says, "My dearest wish is that you solve the Arab-Israeli conflict in the Middle East." The genie strokes his beard and looks worried. "Oh dear, " he says , staring at the map. "That's a tough one. Those people have been fighting for eons. No one has been able to come up with a successful solution. I'm not sure if I could do any better. You should probably make another wish." The accountant is understanding and says, "All right. Listen, the IRS has asked me to re-design their 1040 form so that everyone can understand it. Can you help me with that?" There's a long silence and finally the genie says, "Let's have another look at that map."
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Q: And the difference between tax avoidance and tax evasion? A: Jail.
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A mugger stops a guy on the street at gunpoint. "Give me all your money", he says. The muggee isindignant. "You can't do this," he yells. "I'm anIRS agent." "In that case," says the mugger, "give me all MY money."
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Four Laws of Accounting: 1. Trial balances don't. 2. Bank reconciliations never do. 3. Working capital does not. 4. Return on investments never will.
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Q: What do actuaries do to liven up their office party? A: Invite an accountant.
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Q: What's an actuary? A: An accountant without the sense of humor.
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Q: How can you tell when the chief accountant is getting soft? A: When he actually listens to marketing before saying no.
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Q: How can you tell when the chief accountant is getting soft? A: When he actually listens to marketing before saying no.
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More jokes about: accountant, management, money, accountant