The best accountant jokes

A Mafia Godfather, accompanied by his attorney, walks into a room to meet with his former accountant. The Godfather asks the accountant, "Where is the 3 million bucks you embezzled from me?" The accountant does not answer. The Godfather asks again, "Where is the 3 million bucks you embezzled from me?" The attorney interrupts, "Sir, the man is a deaf mute and cannot understand you, but I can interpret for you." The Godfather says, "Well ask him where my damn money is!" The attorney, using sign language, asks the accountant where the 3 million dollars is. The accountant signs back, "I don’t know what you are talking about." The attorney interprets to the Godfather, "He doesn’t know what you are talking about." The Godfather pulls out a 9 millimeter pistol, puts it to the temple of the accountant, cocks the trigger and says, "Ask him again where my damn money is!" The attorney signs to the accountant, "He wants to know where it is!" The accountant signs back, "OK! OK! OK! The money is hidden in a brown suitcase behind the shed in my backyard!" The Godfather says, "Well... what did he say?" The attorney interprets to the Godfather, "He says…go to hell... that you don’t have the guts to pull the trigger."
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More jokes about: lawyer, accountant, money
How does Santa's accountant value his sleigh? Net Present Value.
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What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don't? Depreciation.
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An economist is someone who didn't have enough personality to become an accountant.
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More jokes about: accountant, work
Q: If an accountant's wife cannot sleep, what does she say? A: "Darling, could you tell me about your work."
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A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
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What does CPA stand for? Can't Pass Again.
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Q: What do you call a financial controller who always works through lunch, takes two days holiday every two years, is in the office every weekend, and leaves every night after 10 p.m.? A: Lazy.
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Q: Why accountants don't read novels? A: Because the only numbers in them are page numbers.
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More jokes about: accountant, math, nerd
An American goes to the train station so he can start his big trip. He notices there a machine with the indication: "Put A Dollar in the Slot and the Machine will Tell you who you are!" Curious, he puts the dollar inside the slot and he waits. The machine suddenly sounds; "You're John Bull from New York, an Accountant, 5.9 feet tall and 90 kilos. You're about to take the 2.30 train to Chicago." The man blacked out with the machine's ability. So, he decided to trick the machine. He wore a fake mustache and putted another dollar inside the slot. "You're John Bull from New York, an Accountant, 5.9 feet tall and 90 kilos. You're about to take the 2.30 train to Chicago," says the machine. "But it's impossible!" screamed the man, acquiring a maniac need to trick the machine. He ran to the toilet and disguised as an Arab. Then, he did the same routine. "You're John Bull from New York, an Accountant, 5.9 feet tall and 90 kilos. You're about to take the 2.30 train to Chicago." Furious then, he disguises as a woman and puts the dollar as usual in the slot. -You're John Bull, an Accountant, 5.9 feet tall, 90 kilos and with your bullshits you.. lost the train!
Vote: has 71.25 % from 32 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: money, travel, accountant