Yo' Mama is so old, she went to an antique shop, and they kept her.
Once upon time, there were three friends playing on a beach. One kid's parents were good business people. The second kid lives in a good family where he is taught to respect his elders. The third kid was a poor redneck with an abusive father. Anyways, they were playing on the beach when a helicopter crashed down into the water. They saw a man drowning and all raced to save him. As they pulled the man to shore they realized it was Obama. The president then said, "Thank you kids for saving me! I'll give you each one wish!" The first kid said he wanted a helicopter. The second kid wished for some money. And the redneck asked for a wheel chair. Obama, concerned, asked why the poor boy wouldn't want some money for his family. The kid replied, "Cause when pap finds out what I've done, I ain't gonna be walking for a pretty long time."
How are women and linoleum floors alike? You lay them right the first time and you can walk all over them for the next 20 years.
Yo mama so old, I told her to act her own age and she died.
At the age of 17, Chuck Norris was fired from his job in a car factory because he roundhouse-kicked a car in half.
When Chuck Norris was 12 years old, he mauled a pit bull.
Yo Momma is so old that her bus pass is in hieroglyphics!
A Pontiac takes examinations for the driver’s licence for the fourth year in a row. The examiner asks him "So, you’re running on the street. You have a mountain on your right and there’s a cliff on your left. There are two women in your way; the one young and the other an old woman. Which one are you going to hit?" "Of course the old woman!" The examinet frustrated "I told you last year! You hit the brakes!"
Friendly reminder that Adele and Taylor Swift are the same age, yet one is pregnant and another stuck in middle school.
How do you get four old ladies to shout "F*ck"? Get a fifth old lady to shout "Bingo!"