Beer: helping ugly people have sex since 3000 BC!
It’s late evening and Tom’s wife catches him pouring six cans of lager down the toilet.
‘What on earth are you doing?’ she says.
Tom replies, ‘Well, it seems a waste, but I thought it’d save me getting up in the night.’
Tom is walking home from the pub late one night when he takes a short cut across a cow field.
Halfway across he drops his hat.
He has to try on fifty others before he finds it again.
A man who goes into the pub optimistically often comes out misty optically.
Two guys were in a bar, and they were both watching the television when the news came on.
It showed a guy on a bridge who was about to jump, obviously suicidal.
"I'll bet you $10 he'll jump," said the first guy.
"Bet you $10 he won't," said the second guy.
Then, the guy on the television closed his eyes and threw himself off the bridge.
The second guy hands the first guy the money.
"I can't take your money," said the first guy.
"I cheated you.
The same story was on the five o'clock news."
"No, no.
Take it," said the second guy.
"I saw the five o'clock news too.
I just didn't think the guy was dumb enough to jump again!"
A regular at Bob's Bar came in one evening sporting a matched pair of swollen black eyes that appeared extremely painful.
"Whoa, Sam!" said the bartender.
"Who gave those beauties to you?"
"Nobody gave them to me," said Sam.
"I had to fight like crazy for both of them."
What a barman!
When I asked for something tall, cold and full of gin, he called his wife out.
He doesn’t like to drink.
It’s just something to do while he gets drunk.
I drink to steady my nerves.
Last night I got so steady I couldn’t move.