The best alcohol jokes

Seen in a bar near here: "We don't stand in your toilet, so please don't pee on our floor!"
Vote: has 16.16 % from 8 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol
There is a guy. His favorite bar is called 'Sally's Legs'. The bar is closed, so he waits outside for it to open. He was waiting a long time and a cop got suspicious, came over to him, and asked, "What are you doing?" The guy replies, "I'm waiting for 'Sally's Legs' to open so I can get a drink."
Vote: has 16.16 % from 8 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, bar
A grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says, 'Hey, we have a drink named after you!' The grasshopper looks surprised and says, 'You have a drink named Steve?'
Vote: has 16.16 % from 8 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, bar, bartender
A man enters the bar and orders a double martini. After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket then orders the bartender to prepare another double martini. After he finishes it, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders the bartender to bring another double martini. The bartender says, “Look, buddy, I’ll bring ya’ martinis all night long but you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill.” The customer replies, “I’m peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, I know it’s time to go home.”
Vote: has 16.16 % from 8 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, bar, bartender, wife
A bear walks into a pub, and takes a huge bite out of the bar. ‘Get out!’ shouts the barman. ‘We don’t serve druggies.’ ‘But I’m not a druggie,’ replies the puzzled bear. ‘Yeah? Then what about the bar bit you ate?’
Vote: has 15.98 % from 12 votes. Send joke:

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A guy walks into a bar and orders a drink. After a few more he needs to go to the can. He doesn't want anyone to steal his drink so he puts a sign on it saying, "I spat in this beer, do not drink!". After a few minutes he returns and there is another sign next to his beer saying, "So did I!"
Vote: has 14.23 % from 9 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, bar, beer
Down in the bayou, Bubba called an attorney and asked, "Is it true they're suin' the cigarette companies for causing people to get cancer? "Yes, Bubba, sure is true." responded the lawyer.
Vote: has 11.24 % from 97 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, lawyer
What do you call an alcoholic dog? A whino!
Vote: has 11.21 % from 55 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol