Did you hear about the boy who was told to do 100 lines? He drew 100 cats on the paper. He thought the teacher had said lions.
How do you hire a horse? Put a brick under each hoof!
Go to your back door and look for the dog. If the dog is at the door and he is wet, it's probably raining. But if the dog is standing there really soaking wet, it is probably raining really hard. If the dog's fur looks like it's been rubbed the wrong way, it's probably windy. If the dog has snow on his back, it's probably snowing. Of course, to be able to tell the weather like this, you have to leave the dog outside all the time, especially if you expect bad weather. Yours sincerely, The CAT
Q: Why couldn't the pony sing? A: Because he's a little hoarse.
Question: Why does Tigger smell? Answer: You'd smell too if you played with Pooh all day!
Johnny, George, and Bert were driving along in their pickup when they saw a sheep caught in the fence with its hind end up in the air. Bert said, "I wish that was Sharon Stone." George echoed, "I wish it was Demi Moore." Little Johnny sighed, "I wish it was dark..."
Q: How does a redneck tell the difference between a bull and a cow in the dark? A: He sticks his nose in the animal's ass. If there's a place for his tongue, it's a cow.
What did the bee say to the flower? "Hi, honey."
Does running out of a burning barn make a cow unusual? No, only medium rare.
What do cows call Frank Sinatra? Old Moo Eyes.