Chuck Norris likes his steaks still mooing.
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Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off of bats.
Chuck Norris bites the heads off of Siberian Tigers.
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Some people like to eat frogs' legs.
Chuck Norris likes to eat lizard legs.
Hence, snakes.
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Chuck Norris can light ants on fire with a magnifying glass.
At Night.
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Q: What do you call an alligator in a vest?
A: An Investigator
Are you a shark?
Cause I've got some swimmers for you to swallow.
A guy walks into a Raptors bar with a dachshund under his arm.
The dog is wearing a "Toronto Raptors" jersey and helmet, and is festooned with "Raptors" pom-poms.
The bartender says: "Hey! No pets are allowed in here! You'll have to leave!"
The guy begs him: "Look, I'm desperate.
We're both big fans, the TV is broken, and this is the only place around where we can see the game!"
After securing a promise that the dog will behave, and warning him that he and the dog will be thrown out if there's any trouble, the bartender relents and allows them to stay in the bar and watch the game.
The big game begins and Vince Carter does a great slum dunk.
With that the dog jumps up on the bar, and begins walking up and down the bar giving high-fives to everyone.
The bartender says: "Wow, that is the most amazing thing I've ever seen!
What does the dog do if Raptors win?"
The owner replies: "I don't know, I've only had him for a half year."
An ant and an elephant share a night of romance.
The next morning the ant wakes up and the elephant is dead.
"Shit!" says the ant.
"One night of passion and I will spend the rest of my life digging a grave!"
Two goldfish are in a tank.
One said to the other: "Do you know how to drive this thing?"
What do you call a trash bag full of mutilated laboratory monkeys?
Rhesus Pieces.
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