What do you call a tired cow? Milked out.
Q: Why was the Easter Bunny so upset? A: He was having a bad hare day!
Usain Bolt is so fast I saw a Cheetah giving him a High 5.
Q: What is a turkey's favorite dessert? A: Peach gobbler.
Accountant after reading a nursery rhyme to his child,"No, son. It wouldn't be tax deductible when Little Bo Peep loses her sheep. But I like your thinking."
Q: Why do mother kangaroos hate rainy days? A: Because then the children have to play inside.
Q: What does a cooked chicken and a stoner who is afraid of everything have in common? A: They are both baked chickens.
A man walked into his backyard one morning and found there was a gorilla in a tree. He called a gorilla-removal service, and soon a serviceman arrived with a stick, a Chihuahua, a pair of handcuffs and a shotgun. "Now listen carefully," he told the homeowner, "I'm going to climb the tree and poke the gorilla with this stick until he falls to the ground. The trained Chihuahua will then go right for his, uh, sensitive area, and when the gorilla instinctivly crosses his hands in front to protect himself, you slap the handcuffs on" "Ok, got it." the homeowner replied. "But whats that shotgun for?" "If I fall out of the tree before the gorilla," the man said, "shoot the Chihuahua."
A man has a racehorse, never won a race. Man in disgust says, "Horse, you win today or you pull a milk wagon tomorrow morning." The starting gate opens, the horses take-off, they move the gate away and there lays his horse asleep on the track. He kicks the horse and asks, "Why are you sleeping?" The horse, half asleep says, "I have to get up at three in the morning."
What is the difference between an pilot and a pig? The pig doesn't turn into a pilot when it's drunk.