What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? A.A dog is always happy to see you B.A dog only takes a couple of months to train.
What’s the difference between goats and women?? Goats are always horney.
What happened to the frog's car when his parking meter expired? It got toad!!
Q: Why does a dog lick himself? A: He can't make a fist.
Sharks watch Chuck Norris week.
Q: What do you get when 100 rabbits stand in a row and 99 take a step back? A: A receding hare line.
Q: Why are tigers religious? A: Because they prey frequently, and prey as a family!
What do you call a dinosaur that's a noisy sleeper? A Brontosnorus.
A guy enters a bar carrying an alligator. Says to the patrons, "Here’s a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside. The gator will close his mouth for one minute, then open it, and I'll remove my unit unscathed. If it works, everyone buys me drinks." The crowd agrees. The guy drops his pants and puts his privates in the gator's mouth. Gator closes mouth. After a minute, the guy grabs a beer bottle and bangs the gator on the top of its head. The gator opens wide, and he removes his genitals unscathed. Everyone buys him drinks. Then he says: "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try." After a while, a hand goes up in the back of the bar. It's a woman. "I'll give it a try," she says, "but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle."
Law of Cat Disinterest A cat's interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest him.