When is the best time to fake an orgasm? When a rottweiler is humping your leg.
Q: What did the pig say at the beach on a hot summer's day? A: I'm bakin'.
I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah; I thought, ''He's trying to pull a fast one''.
Why didn't the teddy bear eat his lunch? (Because he was stuffed!)
What is a zebra? 26 sizes larger than an ‘A’ bra.
A man is walking through a park when he steps in a pile of dog mess. He pauses to wipe his shoe on the grass and sees another man step into the same pile. ‘I just did that,’ says the man, so the other man rubs his nose in it.
A man walks by a table in a casino and passes three men and a dog playing cards. ‘That’s a very smart dog,’ says the man. ‘He’s not so clever,’ says one of the players. ‘Every time he gets a good hand, he wags his tail.’
On what should you mount a statue of your cat? A caterpillar!
What would happen if tarantulas were as big as horses? If one bit you, you could ride it to hospital!
A cowboy rode up to the saloon, dismounted from his horse, and dusted himself off. He then walked around to the rear of his horse, lifted the tail and kissed it right on the rectum. As the cowboy walked into the saloon, the shocked barkeeper asked, "Did you just kiss your horse's butt?" The cowboy said, "Sure, I've got chapped lips." The stunned barkeep asked if this was an old Indian cure. The cowboy said, "Nope. But, sure as s**t, it keeps me from licking my lips!"