A kangaroo mom with seven babies in her pouch told another kangaroo mom, "These sleepovers are killing me."
When is the best time to fake an orgasm? When a rottweiler is humping your leg.
Q: What did the pig say at the beach on a hot summer's day? A: I'm bakin'.
I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah; I thought, ''He's trying to pull a fast one''.
Why didn't the teddy bear eat his lunch? (Because he was stuffed!)
What is a zebra? 26 sizes larger than an ‘A’ bra.
A dog goes to a telegraph office and dictates a message. ‘Woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof.’ The operator reads it back then says, ‘Y’ know, we charge per ten words. You could have an extra ‘woof’ for free.’ ‘No thanks,’ says the dog.
A man is walking through a park when he steps in a pile of dog mess. He pauses to wipe his shoe on the grass and sees another man step into the same pile. ‘I just did that,’ says the man, so the other man rubs his nose in it.
A man walks by a table in a casino and passes three men and a dog playing cards. ‘That’s a very smart dog,’ says the man. ‘He’s not so clever,’ says one of the players. ‘Every time he gets a good hand, he wags his tail.’
My tomcat used to stay out all night, so I took him to the vet and had him neutered. Now he still stays out all night – it turns out he likes to watch!