Q: Why are dogs such bad dancers? A: They have two left feet.
Q: What creature has more lives than a cat? A: A frog, after all, they croak every night.
A plowhorse, a honeybee and an old geezer are debating about which of them is the greatest. The horse says, "I can plow all day long to provide food for dozens of people!" " The bee says, "I pollinate all the plants every year and make honey besides!" The old geezer says... (We're waiting...)
What do you get if you cross a hippo, elephant and a rhino? A Helephino!!
Your house is so dirty I saw rats on dirt bikes.
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? a lickalotapus.
Make the world your playground. Whenever you miss the sandbox, cover it up. Dragging a sock over it helps. If you can't get your way, lay across the keyboard till you do. When you are hungry, meow loudly so they feed you just to shut you up. Always find a good patch of sun to nap in. Nap often. When in trouble, just purr and look cute. Life is hard, and then you nap. Curiosity never killed anything except maybe a few hours. Variety is the spice of life. One day, ignore people; the next day, annoy them, and play with them when they're busy. Climb your way to the top, that's why the curtains are there. Make your mark in the world, or at least spray in each corner. Always give generously; a bird or rodent left on the bed tells them, "I care".
How do you get a hundred cows in a barn? You hang up a bingo sign!
What do you call a grizzly bear caught in the rain? (A drizzly bear!)
Cats took many thousands of years to domesticate humans.