What do you get if you cross a cat with a gorilla? An animal that puts you out at night.
Q: Why do gorillas have big noses? A: Because they have big fingers!
Three animals were having a drink in a cafe, when the owner asked for the money. I'm not paying," said the duck. "I've only got one bill and I'm not breaking it." "I've spent my last buck," said the deer. "Then the duck'll have to pay," said the skunk. "Getting here cost me my last scent."
What's the difference between an old cat and a baby kitten? An old cat scratches and bites but a little pussy never hurt anybody!
A snail walks into a bar and the barman tells him there's a strict policy about having snails in the bar and so kicks him out. A year later the same snail re-enters the bar and asks the barman "What did you do that for?"
The little snail begs for his mother: Mother, please let me pass the rail road! Thunder dear, not now. In five hours the train passes.
Q: Why did the fat turkey cross the road? A: To get hit by my car.
Your house is so dirty I saw rats on dirt bikes.
Bears do not eat bears. Tigers do not eat tigers. Dogs do not eat dogs. Cats stopped eating kebabs.
One day a blonde, brunette, and redhead were stuck on an island 100 miles away from civilization. The only way to get home was to swim. The brunette swam 50 miles before drowning. The redhead swam 64 miles before getting attacked by a shark. The blonde went 99 miles but got tried a swam back to the island.