A mailman meets a boy and a huge dog. ‘Does your dog bite?’ asks the mailman. ‘No,’ replies the boy. And the dog bites the mailman’s leg. ‘You said he doesn’t bite!’ yells the mailman. ‘That’s not my dog,’ replies the boy.
My tomcat used to stay out all night, so I took him to the vet and had him neutered. Now he still stays out all night – it turns out he likes to watch!
‘Cats have nine lives. Which makes them ideal for experimentation.’
Have you seen the offices of the RSPCA? It’s tiny; you couldn’t swing a cat in there.
Did you hear about the cat who drank 5 bowls of water? He set a new lap record.
What are cat-erpillars afraid of? Dog-erpillars.
When does a female deer need money? When she doesnt have a buck.
"Yes, ma'am," the old salt confided to the inquisitive lady, "I fell over the side of the ship, and a shark he come along and grabbed me by the leg." "Merciful providence!" his hearer gasped. "And what did you do?" "Let 'im 'ave the leg, o' course, ma'am. I never argues with sharks."
The proprietor of the general store at the cross-roads had his place overrun by rats, and the damage was such that he offered a hundred dollars reward to anyone who would rid him of the pests. A disreputable-appearing person turned up one morning, and announced that he was a professional rat-killer. "Get to work," the store-keeper urged. "I must have a pound of cheese," the killer declared. When this had been provided: "Now give me a quart of whiskey." Equipped with the whiskey, the professional spoke briskly: "Now show me the cellar." An hour elapsed, and then the rat-catcher galloped up the cellar stairs and leaped into the store. His face was red, the eyes glaring, and he shook his fists in defiance of the world at large, as he jumped high in air and shouted: "Whoopee! I'm ready! bring on your rats!"
What does a frog say when it sees something' great? Toadly awesome!