How do you make a cat be a dog? Pour gasoline on it and light it with a match. It will go 'WOOF.'
A man goes into a pub with a cat sitting on his head. The barman pulls him a pint and says,‘Look I don’t know if you know it but there’s a cat sitting on your head.’ ‘What of it?’ asks the man.‘I always wear a cat on my head on a Monday.’ ‘But today’s Tuesday,’ replies the barman. ‘Oh God.Is it?’ says the man. ‘I must look a right prat.’
Q. What's green and red? A. A very mad frog.
Q:What happened when Smokey the Bear started the forest fire? A: He got arrested just like you would've.
What do you call a frog that crosses the road, jumps in a puddle, and crosses the road again? A dirty double-crosser!
What’s a black spot between two white spots? A fly with cotton wool in her ears!
What's green with bumps? A frog with the measles!
Little Billy sits on his neighbour fence. After a while he asks surprised: Sir, how come your pig has only tree legs? Because I used only one leg for the stock.